What Scares Me

As I grew into my teens, I became less afraid, but as children will do, I gained a sense of mortality. I can remember days when I would watch my parents head off to work and I would be afraid that I would never see them again. I would want to rush outside and stop them from leaving. My parents, thank the Lord, are both alive and well today.

In my 20s and early 30s I became afraid of someone breaking into our home. My husband worked out of town a lot and I spent a lot of sleepless nights. There was a time when I slept in a locked bedroom with my stepsons, a baseball bat by my side. There was another time when I called a friend at 3 a.m. because I was certain I heard someone moving in the house. Her husband answered the phone and talked with me while I searched my house. Slowly, I overcame this fear. I just kept fussing at myself. Now when Daniel is gone, I sleep with my bedroom door wide open. And I don't hear any sounds in the night. I sometimes wake up to find a child next to me and I didn't even realize they were there...good thing that they weren't a murderer!

My fears now mostly revolve around my children. Am I raising them up correctly? Is it safe to leave them in the car for 2 minutes while I dash into a bank? Where did my daughter go, she was here just a moment ago... I worry about what if something happens to me. I love my husband, but will he be able to take care of them as well as me? How will it affect their development? As I listen to the news I worry more and more about my children's safety and their emotional well-being.

There is enough real world horror in the world to keep people awake at night, but I must admit, I still love reading a good Stephen King or Dean Koontz book or watching a good (not gory) scary movie so that I can jump a little at the things that go bump in the night!