It is Interesting What A Difference One Word Can Make

I know that since my stepchildren were small, all I heard from the 'authorities' was to praise them for what they did. To say what nice colors they used in a picture (that looked like nothing) or to talk about their great grades. What I either missed or wasn't told is that you need to be careful with the words you choose.

A recent study showed that children's performances and the next task they were willing to tackle could be balanced on whether they were praised for being smart or whether they were praised for their effort.

In the one study, they gave children a puzle to do. For 1/2 of them, the test giver told them they were smart when they completed the puzzle. For the other half, the testers told them they put forth a lot of effort and worked hard. Then they offered all of these children the choice of another puzzle to do. The majority of ones who had been told they were smart, chose the 'easy test', the one that was like what they had already taken. The ones that were told they had put forth effort to complete their task, chose the harder puzzle (90% of the time).

Now, first of all, I find it interesting that the results give an exact number of how many kids chose the harder test, but would only say the majority of the other kids chose the easy test. Maybe the majority was 51%. I always question studies. What was their original hypothesis. How did they word the questions and do the statistics really support what they say or have they twisted them to do that. As a sociology major in college, I learned that statistics can say whatever a person wants them to say.

The next step of the test was to give each student the same test, one that they would fail (it was two years ahead of their grade level). For those who had been praised on effort, they didn't get nearly as bent out of shape as those who were praised for being smart. The ones who had been told they were smart, now seemed to feel they had failed. Whereas the other kids seem to feel like they just needed to put forth more effort.

The bottom line is that words do matter. Instead of praising your child with the empty word of how smart they are (and really, what does the mean?), praise their effort, their work ethic, their perseverance. Give them the tools to feel like they can lick anything with enough work. Don't give them empty words that sets them up for failure and feelings of mediocrity and for an unwillingness to take risks.

I highly recommend you read the complete article. There is lots of interesting information. As a parent, I want to help my kids to succeed in this competitve world.